the world, brokenness, love and other light topics

A couple days ago I asked Jesus to give me the heart for people that he has and let me see through his eyes...I'm not sure why I ask these things but for some reason I always think it's a good idea.

Today I decided it would be awesome if Jesus could just come back now. I didn't come to this conclusion because of our economic state, our place in war or any other political issue that runs rampant in our society. I decided this purely on the fact that my heart is heavy seeing pain and brokenness. Don't get me wrong, I'm glad that I have authentic relationships that share joy and pain but the Lord continues to remind me how fragile people really are and how broken we choose to live. I'm done with it.

We continue to live and interact in a struggling world but what if it didn't over take us...what if we claim freedom? what if we were so concerned with what God is concerned with and so in tune with the Spirit, nothing of this world mattered but living in HIS freedom and showing others the freedom that they can have or maybe they forgot about.
I think it would be an irresistibly beautiful, boldly passionate, life giving body of Christ. I know it's not as easy as it sounds but what is as easy as it sounds is ASKING God to show us what freedom in him means.

My last question: Why do we choose to stay hurting? Is it easier? probably. But the result is more and more and more and more struggle...
I still want to see people the way Jesus does but hopefully soon I'll see brokenness turn into healing, redemption and freedom...in my life and yours.

***next is a related thought but a bit disconnected***

This weekend I realized something new. In the midst of a very difficult conversation and some said brokenness it sunk in deep. As much as relationships are life giving, they also can hurt and I'm so glad they do. In those times, we see incredible truth, growth and an effort to change conditional love in to unconditional. Much of these situations we find ourselves in are a complete mess, but a beautiful one.

The thing that bothers me the most about being human is the ability to disappoint someone. It absolutely kills me, but it gives an opportunity for reconciliation, healing and once again, that love thing. That's a beautiful thing that I love nothing more than to fight for.

I figured it out...I have no idea what's going on at all.

Either I haven't processed things well in the past or over the last couple years my ability to process has diminished. There is also a high possibility I just think things through a bit differently now. Over the last two weeks or so I have encountered so much that I don't even know where to begin processing. And as of now I can think of two options--put up a wall and become numb or leave. Now I know my problems will follow me and no matter where I go the world is still fallen but there is something about leaving that gives me a fresh perspective.

The capacity to work through everything is certainly not within me but the question becomes: Do you ask the God to walk you through things so you can feel them and think them and move along? That seems like it's going to be painful. In fact, I know it will be painful. Do you take the road of righteousness and choose to follow after God rather than put up a road block and some blinders? Now all these questions seem obvious but I think if we are truly being honest with our pain we know the latter sounds better (short-term at least).

I have no inspiring way to close other than to hope that someone else has tips they would like to share.

I have a question

I've heard the question asked several times--at graduations, when people move, when you are embarking on a great adventure or when you need to be shaken from complacency.

What are you known for?

I was recently asked this question and am also in the midst of studying one of the gospels. The very word "gospel" means "good news." Now, here is MY question: Am I (Are you) good news in your community? Is that what I am known for--being good news? Everyone knows that one person. The person who every time they walk in the door you know the party is going down and the glass is suddenly and irreversibly half empty. Now, I don't think I'm that girl. But I do wonder if I'm known for being good news. Not just bubbly but truly can't wait to point out the best in people and not just what I think is good but point out and celebrate the beautiful creation they are in Jesus. Not just that even, but am I the gospel to my community. Do I represent the most high, redeeming, romancing, powerful and authentic God? That is our call, after all.

I'm not always sure how to achieve such a reputation but I pray that the Lord would begin to show me how to be good news to my community. And you too.

Grace Like Rain

I recently found something I wrote this summer, in the midst of the hardest 3 months of my life. here it is:

Grace like rain. We sing it every thursday. It took on a new meaning today. I sat in the laundromat as I spend every friday, connecting back home and enjoying my first moment alone since last friday. I listen to clothes spinning, people chatting and quarters clinking. As I glance outside between loads I notice the torrential rain. It beats endlessly against the pavement. I couldn't help but think "grace like rain." I don't think it was a summer sprinkle the writer was referring to. I think it was much like this--unavoidable, powerful and refreshing. Every person stood in awe of the rain, secretly wanting to run outside and drench themselves in the flood. I wonder if we lived like we were slopping wet in grace if people would stand in awe and have to absolutely submit to this crazy desire to run outside too.

a good story

A story is simply about a character who wants something and has to overcome conflict to find it. We love good stories. Stories about Africa, teaching english in China, building water wells in Peru and feeding the homeless. Why? Because we want that. Sometimes we think the more we hear stories about such the easier it will be for us to do so as well. Or we think...well at least someone is doing something...I can just stay here and do my job and be normal. I won't have to give anything up. I submit that if we are not willing to give something up or overcome conflict, we don't actually WANT it. We want what it will do for us, for our reputation or legacy or advancement. Here is my story about someone who wants something...not what it can do for her. Hopefully one day my story will fit in this category too. and yours too.

Tara:
Tara lived in the nicest part a Houma, LA (just outside New Orleans). She was working as a youth leader at her church. One Thanksgiving she and members of her church went across the bridge to the roughest part of Houma and it's surrounding area to feed all the homeless, drug lords, gang members, and just struggling. Afterward everyone was finished they thought, "wow God must really be proud of us." and instead Tara heard God saying "So what now?, Who will continue to take care of them?" So....Hope Extreme was born(out of a renovated crack house). A center working to change the lives of east Houma's urban youth by sharing a radical faith, tutoring, activities and love for a broken place. It grows each year. I spent a summer there and it was the most incredible place I've been in. It's a good story.

P.S. Your story doesn't have to have anything to do with homeless, Africa or water wells to be good...it needs to involve you, passion and conflict. And eventually the outcome will be victory and a really good story.

Me, myself and someone else...please!

I got tired today. Tired of me. There are quite a few things that led up to this point, but rather than talking about that...I just have to say, as fascinating as I am, I'm tired of myself and talking about myself and writing about myself and thinking about myself. It reminds me that I'm human and selfish, it keeps me humble... realizing how uncool I am.

So here we go.

For a while all my blogs will now be about other people--ways I see the Lord in them, ways I'm challenged by them and all around good that is in them. People are funny, they do funny things and curious things and things I want to share.

Glenda
The lunch lady at the school I lived in this past summer was a character. She grumbled in the door at 7 and rustled around until 745 when she realized the summer school kids would be there soon and want breakfast. She cackled and gossiped with the other women and sometimes with us as she made fifty deathly cinnamon roles. She and the other women stole our food. They left a mess. They were hesitant about the youth with us. She screamed about possible snakes on the premises(as did I). Glenda was intense. One morning after the familiar rhythm of a passing conversation with Glenda, she surprised me. Background story: all the kids I was with this summer needed lunch. Very few of them ate three meals a day and even fewer were healthy-ish. Glenda saw a need and met it. She offered for me to bring all the kids(60) to the school at noon and she would provide lunch for them while school was in session. This was easily double the number of kids she normally fed and didn't think twice. In all the ruckus all summer, Glenda never flinched...even the time she was hit in the face by a stack of mashed potatoes a rowdy group of boys threw. Glenda is easily the best lunch lady I've ever met.

trailers and pity

The other day I saw a movie trailer, it was one of those rags to riches, freedom writers, Sandra Bullock, tear jerking kinds of trailers...and if the trailer is that way imagine the movie. In one point the "high risk youth" brought in by Sandra says while looking at his new room, "I've never had one of these." She responds, "What? A room to yourself?" and he says,"no, a bed." In that moment people think, wow, I'm so lucky(blessed, fortunate...take your pick of words here). The problem I had in that moment was, I know that kid. I've played ball with him, talked with him, hugged her, she taught me to dance, he bonded with me over laffy taffy and we played so many games of dodgeball I can't even count. Their names are Reggie, Willie, Quataysha, Quadre, SharVonte, Michael, Roneesha, Djevante, Isaiah and Iverson...the list could go on for pages. The Lord teaches me through them and my heart breaks deeply for each one. I'm not willing to see the sadness in their eyes anymore, but I'm not willing to deny it. I'm past asking why and am to the point where I wonder if know why would even help. I don't think it would. But rather than asking why, let's do something. Let's be so deeply invested in their lives that we know why for each individual circumstance and love these incredible youth in the singular...in the here and now as if they were the only one's in the room. Don't feel sad or sorry or hopeless for these youth...they don't need that. They need you.